I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
