first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
