She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize