You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
