ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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