9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize