honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Randomize
