wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
