Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
