its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
