Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
