I hope mine doesn't look like that
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
