If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
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we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
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I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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