Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
