You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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