2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
