you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
