I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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