A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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