I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
