Im at strip club and am horny
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
