i just had sex bonerless
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
