Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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