Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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