I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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