i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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