its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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