Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
