I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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