You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
