i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
