At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
