i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
