i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
