Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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