If that was your dad, he is hot
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
