Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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