It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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