my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
