omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
