but the lizard people decide everything anyway
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
