I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
