No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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