Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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