i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
