Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
