for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have already put on my inside pants.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
