you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
