there's paper in my vomit.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
