If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize