dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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