well you can't waste a boner
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
