Do vagina's smell?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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