Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have aggressive nipples.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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