1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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